Do you see people for who they truly are or who you want them to be? Perception is not always reality. We all want to believe that everyone’s intentions are the best, and we want to believe the words they’re saying. However, words without actions are empty promises. How many chances are you going to give people who continue to hurt you, disrespect you, and don’t value you? I am a firm believer of second chances, but we have got to stop giving people more chances than they deserve.

If you want someone else to treat you with the respect and kindness, you need to demand that from others starting with setting expectations and boundaries in the beginning. Giving other people more chances than they deserve does not display this. If you don’t respect and stand up for yourself, others can see that and will likely take advantage of you. When you don’t respect yourself, others assume that is the standard you have set for what you are willing to accept. We put up with what we accept. What are your expectations?

We’ve all been in situations where we gave someone too many chances, and it opened the door for more hurt and more trust issues.

The significant other that cheated on you multiple times begged forgiveness and promised it wouldn’t happen again — how did that work out?

The friend that talked about you behind your back, the apologized and said she wouldn’t do it again, yet did — how many chances will you give her?

That co-worker you confided in multiple times, thinking your conversations were confidential, broke your trust — how many more times will you share with them before you learn?

Just like Maya Angelou said, when people show you who they are the first time, believe them. If someone shows you they are not kind, trustworthy, or respectful, take that at face value. Everyone makes mistakes and we should all be forgiving but patterns don’t lie and there’s a difference between being forgiving and being a doormat. If you set firm boundaries, people will either treat you the way you deserve and long for or they will exit your life. When are you going to stop accepting for less than you deserve?

Let’s all agree to live by the quote, “Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.”